Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I do not speak a lie, Allah is witness. Imaan se!

Another New Year is about to begin. One more year added to your life or one cut short – depends on how you look at it. There are some who do not wish to look at all; celebrate life as it comes, they say.
But how do we celebrate? In UP it is not possible to show your wealth or else the kidnappers would be strolling past your door. Unless you have too much of it, the police won’t react. If you have more, and the CM promises that the child would be returned, he returns. ‘Kitna kuch jhatpat badal gaya,’ says Amitabh Bachchan in his new advertisement to promote UP. How true is this!
A lot has clearly changed! As I write this, IBN-7-Cobra Post is doing its breaking ‘khulasa’ (hope you are not too tired of this word – khulasa). ‘Khulasa’ is about the members of Haj Committee taking bribes to send Hajis to Makkah. Not knowing that they are being shown on TV, the bearded representatives of Muslim community continue to say: “Main jhoot nahin bolta, Allah gawah hai. (I don’t speak a lie, Allah is witness to it)”. Some are even talking of going to mosque and confessing the truth in front of Allah. How much of duality has encroached human nature. A maulana, when asked to give reaction is saying smilingly: “Khoon jal raha hai is waqt. (My blood is burning)” This maulana smiles even when his blood burns.
Change is happening on another front. Inability of the male libido to remain faithful is leading to unchecked rise in AIDS cases. Hence the ‘Bindas bol’ campaign! Day is not far when 2-3 year olds will be shouting at top of their voices ‘Condom, condom’, just as they can be seen shouting ‘mohar lagegi haath par’ whenever elections draw near. But with reports coming that AIDS could even spread through mosquito-bites, the subject of being faithful would not remain attached with AIDS in future as people, in 2007, would proudly boast: “I was bitten by a mosquito, a big one… who carried AIDS virus.”
UP is not just the breeding ground for mosquitoes. It is breeding ground for corruption as well. Here I give arguably the most unthinkable way of how people earn illicit money. You are surely not aware of this, unless you are a politician’s kin or have political genes in your DNA. This man is posted at a railway crossing and charges 10 rupees daily from each of the vendors present to close down the crossing several minutes before the train is to arrive. Vendors sell more as traffic comes to a halt. Inspiration from seniors, you may say!
Whatever, 2007 is here to stay… for next 365 days. On the eve of this highly cherished moment of lives, I do not wish to discuss politics and business anymore, even if Ratan Tata is now talking on TV of why he decided to invest in West Bengal and landed in a quagmire, courtesy the politicians. All I wish to do now is to make wishes for 2007. I wish that Sonia Gandhi goes public with her intention to make Rahul the Prime Minister. I wish that AB Vajpayee gets married, finally. I wish that Karunanidhi calls for peace with Jayalalitha. I wish that Laloo Prasad either takes up dairy farming or goes teaching at Harward, post retirement. I wish Kalyan and Rajnath come to realize that they have ‘Singh’ in common. I wish Bret Lee learns Hindi as he has shown willingness to do so in song ‘Han main tumhara hoon’, so that he gets a chance to act and sing in Bollywood. I wish Salman, Pal, Tiwari, Akhilesh and Sri, all come together to work as one family… for one family. And I wish that ‘ho agar agla janam mera to ho Ganga ke tat par’, so that I could aspire to win the Yash Bharati Samman. After all, I am no Abhishek.
You know, being a beardless Muslim, I do not speak a lie. I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR. Imaan se!

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