‘Antim kriya’ by the ‘kanya’

When Nishi Sharma, professionally settled in Nairobi, Kenya, got the telephone call from her mother, residing in East Delhi, regarding her father’s illness, little did she knew that her father, Hem Chand Mittal, had already died. Neither had she thought, even in the wildest of her dreams that she would end up performing the last rites of her deceased father.
Says Nishi Sharma: “When we proceeded to Nigam Bodh Ghat, none knew who would perform the last rites. I even heard some whispers of him having no son. In the midst of all this, my mother startled all including me by saying, “It was your father’s wish that you perform all the rites.”
At the time when she was being brought up, Nishi Sharma was never made to feel that her being a girl was a disadvantage. “Growing at a time when everyone wanted a son, my parents always brought me up as a good human being and not as a boy or a girl. These words of my mother made me feel very blessed as a woman.”
Praying for the salvation of her dead father, Nishi resolved to fulfill her father’s dying wish. “I prayed to Lord Shiva, Goddess Shakti and my Guru Baba Avadhoot Shivananda and his Guru Baba Avadhoot Nityananda to give me strength and courage and be with me during the time, and stepped forward. The Pandit at cremation ground demurred but seeing my resolve, relented. Perhaps, he was doing so for the first time.”
Nishi’s decision to perform the cremation was bound to raise eyebrows amidst the society that has grown up seeing woman as unfit for performing the cremation. In situations where there is no son to perform the last rite, a close male relative is picked to perform the last rites.
Nishi described the situation in these words: “In that moment of sorrow our relatives and friends did not oppose this. However, while performing the initial rites, I could see some heads turning and surprised looks from other men who had come to cremate their own near ones.”
At the time of lighting the funeral pyre, one of Nishi’s cousins tried to stop her by saying: “Girls don’t do this, leave it, we will do it.” “But with my mother’s and uncle’s support and most of all, my Guru’s strength, I was adamant in carrying out my father’s wish,” tells Nishi. And she retorted: “There’s no difference between a girl and a boy.”
The staring gazes of the onlookers and the whispers behind the back must have been extremely unpleasant. She says: “I could hear some laughter. But I was only thinking of my duty. ‘I am not the body nor is the body mine’, I thought”.
“Lighting the funeral pyre, the thought of Shiva and Shakti and the two being the same crossed my mind. Amidst my emotions as a daughter, I found myself repeating the mantras which the Pandit chanted while thinking how all gods of wealth, education and strength are goddesses. Male and female can coexist in the society and fulfill their duties towards the parents who bring us with so much love, yet how ironic that a male child is required to perform the last rites.”
Performing the kapal kriya or the ceremony of breaking the skull was emotionally the most surcharged moment of her life. “In these moments of grief with raised eyebrows and surprised looks, I felt the whole divinity flowing in me. It reconfirmed my faith that if you believe in your own divine strength others will also believe in you.”
She sums up her action by quoting from Lord Krishna, who says in Srimat Bhagwat Gita:
“Seeing all life as my manifestation, they never separated from me. They, worship me in the hearts of all and all their actions proceed from me. Wherever they may live they abide in me.”
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Opinions
Life Watch spoke to various people so as to know their opinion. Official response of the Brahmkumari Ashram was that the antime kriya (last rites) have to be performed by the son, in case there is a son. In case there is no male child to perform the rites, the daughter can perform them as well.
Acharya Awadesh Kumar Shastri too was of the opinion that the daughter has been given permission to perform the last rites. To further strengthen his point, he gave reference to the Shri Garuda Purana’s eight to twelfth chapter, where the methodology to perform the rites is explicitly mentioned. Acharya Shastri pointed out that karma (deeds) are more important for salvation than these mundane points. “It is unfortunate that we don’t read this Purana and when we do, it is at the death of a near or dear one.”